Girls = My Life

“One of the major things is that sense of self. It does not need to be solidified forever, it’s not permanent, and that sense of yourself will continue to shift and flow throughout your life. And that’s okay. She’s helped me learn to embrace the gray area between black and white, which has been really wonderful.”
Allison Williams regarding Lena Dunham.


Post moving home, I watch more TV in a week then I ever did in all 4 years of college. I really don't like this. Sometimes, I feel guilty and try to do something, but most of the time the stuff I can do is limited (There are only so many scarfs you can knit, or Time magazines to read). 

 Some of the TV is trashy, some of it is inspiring. I think I could call Oprah, the cast of Modern Family, the Bachelor, Aria, Emily, Hanna and Spencer, and Hannah, Jessa, Soshawna and Marnie my best friends. And Taylor Swift. If only any of them ever talked back to me, it would be great. i wish. my life would be complete.

Most of the time when I watch Girls, I feel like Lena Dunham has literally unscrewed my head, stolen my thoughts, and made it into a tv show. Word for word.  Her thoughts, her realities embarked into this TV show, mirror the atypical, mid to young 20 year old, who has moved home and who does know know what the hell to do with their life, if they are living their life right, what to do with boys, how to deal with transitions and odd habits and weird eating and and and and.... The show is so raw, and crude at times, but it really is life. There is no masqurading reality.  It is what goes on in Post-grad friendships, relationships, family dynamics, jobs. Lena depicts it in such a humorous, realistic, painful, honest and careless way.  It is pure elegance.

In more ways then her writing and acting skills has she been able to help me to see who I am, and see that I am normal (at least compared to her TV show). It shows that what I am thinking and feeling is what happens to every girl at some point.  I knew this show was for me instantly when she opens up with her parents telling her that she is cut off (my parents took my credit card away when I moved home). It really just hit home.



Season 2, "Boys" episode when Marnie is talking with Charlie and inquiring about her life, that is when this show honestly depicted my life, and honestly made me realize probably the MOST important thing to date. This show brings me a sense of understanding, it is someone finding the key to my diary and opening it up, and saying that everything I have been saying and feeling is what is expected for someone my age. Most importantly, that whatever life gives me, whatever is next.. even if I have no idea what it is, or no idea why, or no idea what  i even want, is that it's supposed to be like that. 

And this is why I am obsessed with Lena. This is why I want to be friends with her. SHE KNOWS my brain. What Allison says is truly what Lena has been able to do for me through her show.
 


Transcribed:
 Marnie talking to Charlie on the rooftop about Charlie's new girlfriend being threatened by her: 

"Why would she be threatened... I'm a hostess... I don't know what the next year of my life will be like, I don't even know what the next week of my life will be like. I don't even know what I want. Sometimes I just wish someone would tell me like, this is how you should spend your days and, this is how the rest of your life should look like... I don't know... I mean, she's not intimidated." 

My New Roomates

Life Update: I am sitting in the basement of my parents house, 9 months out of college. I have a really good job at Brown Medical School, an amazing boyfriend of 4 years, and am still connected with my college friends, even moreso than when in college. I am running a half marathon this weekend, and I hate to run. I still have NO idea what I want to do with my life, where I want to be in 5 years, or where I want to retire. And it still scares me, but life goes on. 


My new roommates are pretty awesome, they pay my rent, do my laundry, pay the bills. The only thing they don't do is cook, pay for gas, or clean their house (they hired someone named "KIMBA" aka me, to come every Sunday). They yelled at me for going out too much this summer, and I therefore stopped going out totally (unless I go to Boston). It's a decent deal. I got a brand new bedroom with a closet double the size as my childhood room upstairs. My roommates are my parents, and I am not ashamed to admit it. 

For one to say it's an easy transition to be 22 years old, they are lying. For one to say it's an easy transition from being in college to working in general, they are lying. Now factor in new roomates/parents, and your whole life is upside down. While it doesn't make sense for me to move out (I don't really keep in touch with anyone here unfortunately, and by living at home I can save money to travel), it definitely wears one out. 

There is a loss of Independence, a loss of remembering what your own life is like, or knowing that you can even have your OWN life M-F. Independence only comes Fri from 5pm- Sun at 6pm (we have a family dinner every sunday night).  There is a loss of not having any time to do anything but work and eat. When talking with most other friends, they feel the same way. Is this what post-grad life is like? Is this what we have to look forward to for the next 50 years until retirement? I think so. I just think we learn to look at it a different way. We learn to accept this as our new now.

Thus, reflecting on my college days, I don't necessarily wish I was still there. Working is truly invaluable and I learn so much about myself, my colleagues, my career, my field that a book/classroom certainly cannot teach you. I know staying in college longer won't make anyone happy, it's about accepting what you are doing now. The one thing about college I would bring back is the social aspect, the aspect of always having a sister to snuggle with, or a friend to talk to. 

Growing up is part of that, part of losing people, gaining interests, losing time... you just need to find a way to make it feel right.

One plus of moving home, is that I got to move out of my closet of a bedroom, and have the whole basement to myself! The room in the basement used to be an office, so it is lined with bookshelves! I have taken to decorate each bookshelf a different theme. Enjoy!

My Collegiate Life: Sorority! AXO

Flowers...

My own pictures

My Mini Library.....

Beach!