The Full Moon

So life happens, isn't it interesting? How one thing you do seems totally irrelevant and then a few days later you know it happened for a reason.... and it all of a sudden is so vivid. If only more aspects of life were like this, then we would know if what we are doing is right... I'm not sure if I'm wording this right. For example, today I was studying for the MCATS and recently I've been struggling with how much time I should be putting into it. I got a migraine and came home to sleep and watch Netflix. After watching two National Geographic specials I wanted a light comedy and  resorted to my personal and long time favorite, Scrubs. Growing up,  I would just laugh and laugh at this show, and saw almost every episode. There were 185 episodes to choose from so I just blindly chose one, entitled "My full moon".

 The simplicity of a full moon....

You would think it's about, you know maybe the full moon. The episode was more of a serious one that showed Elliot and Turks contemplation and weighing out the positives and negatives about being a doctor. This is one of the moments. A moment where I am like holy he'l, why did I get a migraine, why am I watching this today, why is it this timing? What happened previously in my life, for this to be happening right now?  Should I look further into this? I don't know. In life I'm one of the people that does take meaning from the unexpected and from experience, but if I didn't then would I let this change my mind?

Because I am one to symbolize this synchronocity in the everyday mundane life, then I do take meaning, I do say...wow that is NOT a coincidence that I saw this one random episode at this point in my life .  On this day. When I am studying for the MCATS. I am the kind of person to use this experience now and maybe subconsciously change my behavior for the future. But is that right!? Am I supposed to? It confuses me and the only thing that helps me stop is to not look into it and to continue making decisions as I do. When you think too much it's when you start to worry. What I've learned is that despite my deliberation on a subject matter, no matter what goes through my mind, I always go back to my first, underlying immediate thought. Should I go for a run? If my first thought is no, even if I put my spandex and sneakers on, I won't end up going because I didn't have the initial thought. Our actions are as vivid and precise as our intentions.

This may seem to be going off topic but it truly goes back to the episode of scrubs. This week in particular I am questioning, md phd school, and this episode of scrubs addressed my concerns.

Don't ignore those glimpses that someone wants you to see to help aid you to pursuing your original thought. Yes I want a doctorate, yes I have all these fears and things that hold me back. Yes it's a reality. But no I won't let it stop me. I will face the unknown, I will take into consideration others opinions, but believe it or not, I probably will do what I was thinking originally anyways.

My favorite clip from this episode....

Gee.. its not brain surgery...

"The human brain, then, is the most complicated organization of matter that we know."

 GEE, ITS NOT BRAIN SURGERY. That is a common proverb when you are attempting to do something that is easy, but it comes off as it being a complicated task. Such as,  writing a 1 page essay, or trying to put together a desk from IKEA. It is a common saying to give someone a hard time, or to make someone feel worse about themselves. But what if your a brain surgeon, and it really is brain surgery? What do you compare it to, rocket science? What does the rocket scientist compare it to?


This past week... I observed two brain surgeries and realized I NEVER want to be a brain surgeon (or a surgeon). It truly fascinates me, observing and learning about the process, and viewing surgery as an art (yes, I am calling someones gray matter (or brains) an art), because it was blissfully and unexpectedly beautiful.  It has a rhythm that after watching, assuages me that some people are meant to be brain surgeons. It is a natural ability, just as one's ability to preform art.

   Some people have that technical mindset that visualizes the interworkings of the brain, and how to re-wire it. But it is also very challenging, I mean, no stress if you mess up right? But to them it becomes a process, just as if your job was to enter data into excel spread sheets, there is to take saws to brain. And I am sure they make mistakes.


What surprised me and excited me most was the beauty of the techniques. I am not saying that human flesh is beautiful, it honestly crosses my mind everytime I eat meat now.... but the techniques and creativity involved in the surgery aspect was absolutely astounding. I think any artist should observe brain surgery, as the crudeness yet beauty and pristineness and intricacy makes it in fact, extremely artful.

  


"Minds are simply what brains do."